Tuesday, 28 April 2009

  • How To Get The Guy

    Somewhere around seven out of ten girls I know have no idea whatsoever how to get a guy to like them, eventually ask them out, become their boyfriend, and do whatever else they were aiming for after that.

    These girls kinda sadden me, really. They see all these couples walking hand in hand, making out in the hallway while banging into lockers, and conquering everything together. It depresses these girls, who are single, alone, and generally mad at the world, so they turn emo and go around stabbing people with forks, and eventually take it out on themselves by cutting, but with cheese graters instead of knives or razors. They get upset that they don't have a guy, but they don't try to do anything about it.

    Eventually they get determined to be like the other slu - I mean, girls, and to have guys crawling all over them (but not quite literally). They surf the intarwebz, hoping to find a guide of some sort that will make them a dude magnet. So they find one, and it's written by a girl, who obviously knows everything, and then they go out and try out their new skillz. Which, by the way, don't work, since girls suck at giving other girls advice on men.

    "Oh no he di'in't!"

    Oh, but yes, I did. How you like dem apples?

    How To Get The Guy - The Official Guide

    *Note* One thing girls should always remember when looking for a guy to date: make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend before you start flirting with him. Unless, of course, you don't care. Anyway, he might cheat on her with you, giving you a bad reputation, making his girlfriend break up with him, and making him blame everything on you, and through all of this you may not have even known he had a girlfriend. So everyone loses.

    Except the guinea pig, he's good.

    Holy crap

    Beware the zombie bug eyed guinea pig apocalypse.

     

     

    One: Don't avoid him.

    I have no idea where girls get the idea that ignoring a guy is good for a relationship. Now, if you're honestly busy on the same weekend that he wants to take you to a movie or dinner (this is assuming he's not your boyfriend¹), then tell him what you're doing that prevents you from going with him. "I just have a lot of stuff to deal with" or "I really am busy" sounds like a con to get around going on a date. Every other post like this you'll read will say "don't be available". That is stupid. Unavailable makes him give up after so long. "Well, she's avoiding me, because she really is busy with a lot of stuff this weekend, just like last weekend and all of Spring break, so forget her, there are other girls in the world." That's what runs through our heads when you pretend we don't exist. Now, if you don't want to go out with him, period, then tell him you aren't interested in dating him. Stringing a guy along with excuses instead of telling him you don't want to be his girlfriend iz jis wong, man. If you do want to date him, ignoring/avoiding him won't do anything but frustrate him and (sometimes) make him do just about anything to get you to go out with him, and from then on, he'll call you more, try to spend time with you more, and generally get on your nerves more, because he's constantly anxious and scared of losing you, which will eventually make you annoyed and break it off with him. Avoiding him worked out nicely, didn't it?

     

    Two: Initiate.

    If you like a guy, why hide it? Don't be scared of him. If you like him, flirt with him, hang out with him, and if he likes you back but he's scared to ask you out, maybe you should help him along by hinting "maybe we could go out sometime, see a movie?" This is his cue to say, "yeah, that'd be great! maybe this weekend?" If he doesn't bite (I don't mean literally), just get to know him better and spend some time with him. He may be uncomfortable with closeness or he could be scared of falling for you and then getting his heart broken later on. He might want to let you into his life slowly, so just take it one step at a time.

    lol

    "Yo, ma. I'll have a large with pepperoni."

    As wrong as it sounds, maybe you should call him sometime. He's not in a relationship by himself. If he never calls you, maybe call him and talk for a while, and the next time after that you talk on the phone, you should call then, too (maybe call him twice in one week if you know he likes you, and depending on how often you see him). The next time, don't call him. He'll wonder why you didn't and he'll call you. If he doesn't call, try and drop a subtle hint that it makes you feel better and more important when he calls.

    On the other hand, if he's always the one to call you, it's always a pleasant surprise if you call him².

    *Note*: Sometimes you might not even talk to each other on the phone at all and text all the time instead. Which is cool. Relationships don't survive without mutual communication. 

     

    Three: Buy him a Furby.

    FURBIE!!

     

    Trust me.

     

    Four: Stroke his ego.

    A simple compliment (but not too often) will make him feel better about himself and make him more comfortable when he's around you. If you over-compliment, it looks like you're sucking up. (And by over-compliment, I mean complimenting him too often, not being too nice).

    If he gets a small self-esteem/ego boost whenever he's around you, he'll want to be around you more. (Just don't go too far, or he'll have a huge ego that the next girl will have to deal with if you don't get along for some reason).

     

    Five: Have some confidence.

    The number one reason girls are unattractive (even though it's #5 in this post) is low confidence/self-esteem. (Low intelligence is also a turn off, but you know, whatever). Too much confidence is intimidating to most guys, as is too much energy, but you can't really change either of those.

    A few reasons some girls aren't man-magnets:

    # 11: They're super clingy.

    # 10: They run into doors all the time.

    # 8: there so ditzi lyk omggg lol.

    # 7: They have no enthusiasm.

    # 6: They don't really have any interests (meaning they sit around doing nothing all the time). 

    # 5: They didn't notice there's not a # 9 on this list³. 

    # 4: They don't care about their appearance (most guys are at least a little superficial).

    # 3: They never stop talking about Twilight, Edward Cullen, or Disney kids, like Zac Efron or the Jonas Brothers.

    Zac Efron by Rup Singh Chauhan.

    Wow, how does he always maintain that perfectly expressionless expression?

    # 2: They appear to have low intelligence levels (smart girls are HOT!).

    # 1: They have no confidence/self-esteem.

    There you have it. Confidence is win. If you're under-confident, for whatever reason, you should try new things, meet new people, and hit the gym. Working out makes you feel better and less vulnerable, and doing so at the gym definitely means you'll meet new people! (Also, "girls who don't act like theirself" could have been # 1, because it sucks falling for someone who completely changes once they get comfortable and then you don't like them. Being yourself is important, and it's also why you're you).

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    * ¹If he is your boyfriend and you avoid him, you shouldn't be with him. 

    * ²Seriously, do it.

    * ³Win.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Conclusion:

    I'm right.

    What's the best advice on getting a guy/girl to like you that you've ever heard?

     

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