Pretty much every attractive girl I know has had that one guy she'd never date end up wanting to date her (note: I'm not necessarily talking about me here). 

Not to say girls are stupid, but really, it isn't that hard to get a guy to leave you alone (most of the time). And seeing as how I've actually had requests for a post like this at least three or four times (which is awesome - I love it when people want something specific), I thought I'd go ahead and get it out. Without further delay...

How To Lose A Guy In (Less Than) Ten Days

Note: I've never seen the movie, just so you know in case I end up copying anything without knowing it.

# 10: Don't be nice to him just because you like the attention.

I'll be honest here: most (meaning almost all) guys are stupid when it comes to women. If you smile at him, sometimes he'll go, "holy crap she likes me!" So, keep yourself in check when you're around a guy who likes you that you're not interested in. And obviously, you shouldn't tell him a lot about yourself if you don't want him to like you.

# 9: Talk about "Twilight" all the time.

Fact: 99% of straight men hate Twilight. Trust me.

# 8: Buy a freakin' taser.

YEAH.

Tasers are freakin' awesome. If he won't leave you alone and he tries to get physical, tase him good (only in self defense; otherwise, just tell him you own a Taser. You don't want to go to court with the excuse, "but he likes me!").

# 7: Be the opposite of his type.

If he likes the city-barbie type, then even if that's where your roots are, try to be a little different around him.

Although, if he doesn't have a type, then you're just screwed.

# 6: Make sure your friends know you don't like him.

It's hard to get away from someone when you and your friends are pulling in opposite directions. Most of the time, your friends and family know you well enough to know when someone is a good match for you, but if you're not feeling it, make sure to point out said mismatch.

# 5: Don't  let him know you have a cellphone.

If a guy notices you using a cell phone and he likes you, chances are he'll ask for your number. DON'T GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. I mean, c'mon.

Also, sometimes a guy may ask to borrow your phone, in which case, if you can do it without being rude, if he doesn't know you have a phone, either tell him you don't have one, you're out of minutes, or just give him change for a payphone. He could be one of those weird guys who puts his # in your contacts or drafts folder so you'll be sure to see it and call, because you probably won't remember how it got there and you'll call it.

# 4: Avoid a situation where you'd be alone with him.

If you're alone with him, he's going to want to talk to you, and that'll make things awkward for you if you don't like him if he wasn't already one of your friends. Make yourself look busy doing something.

# 3: Be sure not to "accidentally" flirt with him.

Guys can take a lot of things the wrong way, including body language. This is especially true if he doesn't have much experience with girls (or he's just hardheaded).

# 2: Have an EBF (Emergency BoyFriend).

If you're single and a guy likes you, having one of your male friends (who doesn't like you) pretend to be your boyfriend around the guy you don't like is always a nice option. Yes, EBFs are such old news, but it works.

If you actually have a boyfriend, then obviously you don't need an EBF, because your boyfriend will probably beat the guy to a pulp for getting on your nerves.

# 1: Be assertive and specific.

If you decide to just come out and tell a guy you don't like him, be serious. Make it known that you don't ever want to date him. Don't say, "I just don't like you like that" or "I don't want a boyfriend right now or "you're a great guy, but..." because he'll keep trying if you let him. 

Some guys are easy to discourage when it comes to women, they just need a few reasons to move on. Don't be a downright a-hole because it could come back to bite you someday, like if you like one of his good friends and the guy you didn't like told the other guy everything you did to him, so there goes your chance with the other guy. Yeah.

If someone is downright stalker-ish with you, get a restraining order, seriously. 

Have you ever had a problem with someone who was determined to date you?

In the morning, I always try to beat my siblings and parents to the computer, and I like to do my weights/pushups workouts early, which means getting up around 7:30. So I usually use the computer for a few minutes, until I'm completely awake, do part of my workout, and go back to the computer until I'm rested enough to do a different workout.

So, last week, I get to the computer on Saturday at around 7:30 or something, and it's alllll miiiiine, now. Yeah.

Anyho, I'm using the computer, I had just checked my Facebook, Myspace , and finally,  Xanga. I was thinking, dude, I should totally write something, I've been out of the game for almost 2 1/2 months, I probably can't even write anymore. 

Then, the phone rang. (We have two phone lines, one for public, and the other for fax/internet, in case our high-speed internet goes down, and we occasionally use line #2 to call line #1, so we can talk to whoever's in the garage from the house on the two lines. Line #2 is the one that rang, so I figured Mom or Dad was trying to call me from down the hill, at the house). Still with me? Didn't think so.

I checked the caller ID, and the number/name both read "private". Sometimes it does that when it's called from a line that's not actually private, but I left it. As soon as I sat back down, it rang again. I left it. It stopped ringing. About 30 seconds passed, then it rang again. So, I answered it, thinking it could be urgent, from someone I knew. "Hello?"

"Ello" a man said, with a Chinese accent. He told me he was calling for Michael Jones, and then he told me where I live, right down to the street (it was tree-tree-tree something-street), and what my phone number is. Then, he told me I'd just won $3 million dollas and a new Range Rover. (We get six or seven call like this for Michael Jones a month).

Me: "Um, sir, this isn't Michael Jones, this isn't his phone number anymore, and I don't know where he lives. This used to be his line, true, but he retired it, so we picked it up as a second line for faxes and internet. Michael Jones does not live here."

Chinese man: "He doesn't?"

Me: "No."

Chinese man: "Oh." *brief pause* "Well, do you want the money?"

Me: "No, thank you."

Chinese man: "Why not?"

Me: "Well, Mike Jones might want it, and I don't want to take what belongs to someone else." Plus, it's probably a gimmick, and there's always the possibility I was being charged big-time for this call, but this isn't the first time we've had calls like this. 

Chinese man: "Well, sir, you should take it."

He then gave me a few reasons I should have it, and said I should be grateful for such gifts and just accept them, and be a wealthy person with a nice car (or something like that). After I politely refused once more, he asked me again, "why won't you receive this gift? There are many people here who would love to have this, and they would just take it and be thankful. Why won't you?"

Me: "If so many people in your area want it that much, why don't you give it to one of them?"

Chinese man: "Because we are in Richmond and we can deliver the package to you today."

Me: "I really just don't want it. I don't need it as much as some people do."

Chinese man: "That's bad, sir. Very bad."

Me: "Why?"

Chinese man: "You are turning away your luck. You should not do that, you are going to have bad luck now."

Me: "I don't know about that, my luck has been pretty good lately..."

Chinese man: "Okay, sir. Have a good day." With that, he hung up the phone.

Huh.

Anyway. I think it's about time I uploaded a picture of the progress I've made so far in my workouts.

I'm getting there (my arms don't actually look that big in person, it's more the angle and lighting here). But they're big enough that people have started saying, "dude, do you work out?" I should be where I want to be by this time next year, and I'll try to upload a new picture once a month or so. I can curl 50lbs with one hand and benchpress 155 without breaking a sweat (I'm going for 200 by the end of the year).

(This one looks a little more accurate). Right now I'm focusing on my chest, shoulders, traps, and biceps more than anything else. Anyway, I'm sure everyone finds this boring.

Wanna see my car?

Okay, technically it's not mine yet, but I'm probably going to be driving it until I get one. This photo was taken near my house, just up the road a little ways. I love living here.

I was going to add the pictures where I'm smiling, but my smile is just retarded, so...yeah.

 It's got a five-speed! I love driving a straight gear. Plus it gets like 30 miles per gallon, how do you like dem apples?

Also, a big thanks to everyone who commented/recommended my last post, I totally wasn't expecting to get featured. And to clarify, I'm not a follower of those trends just because I'm not, and I never said I hate those things, and I don't think I'm better than anyone else by writing that. It's not because they're popular, or because seemingly the majority of people like them, you like what you like. If you like Twilight, good for you! But don't tell me I'm stupid just because I don't enjoy that type of thing. I have preferences, mkaaaaaay? Awright.

What's the best phone conversation you've ever had?

Ever since I joined, I've always thought Xanga was quite Lovelyish. There are lots of fun Blogsters here, but then again, there's the occasional Twitter, too.

I've finally reached a point where I just enjoy being a Blogger, which could be bad, since making this Mancouch my Blogspot has really been a Healthkicker, and to make it worse, Ireallylikefood.

Every now and then, I spend too much time on the internet, and I just want to get out, so I basically just go Tripcrazed. Granted, I wouldn't say Xanga is the best site for Datingish, since there are lots of Momaroos and/of Autisables, but they're all Hoodstars.

I try get along with everyone, so my mug shot won't end up in a Facebook, and because of that, Xanga is still Myspace. Not to mention, by using Xanga a lot, I can buy premium with credits and not have to spend a Dollarish, but I have to keep Busythumbs, and that's why Xanga still has a Flickr to it.

Just remember, my friends, when your life isn't much of a Livejournal, and you feel like you've reached the HardestLevel, and every step you take is a Tumblr, and you're writing nothing but Failblogs, don't ever forget to Revelife.

Yesterday, I finally got to go see my brother in the hospital, which was great, because they said he'd been asking when I was coming. I got there and there were half a dozen girls and few guys crowded in his little room and still more trying get in. Everyone was laughing and joking around about crazy things he'd done. We stayed and talked for a little while, but he had to rest because the drugs were making him drowsy, and he'd nod off to sleep in the middle of conversation, not to mention he was a little mad because he hadn't had a cigarette since an hour or so before his accident.  For those of you who didn't see what the car looked like:

He just got out of surgery a few minutes ago. The first thing he said when he woke up after the operation was, "how'd the liposuction go?"

Anyway, thankfully, it was successful, and if he shows signs of quick recovery, he'll come home tomorrow. Which is awesome.

A big thanks to everyone who kept him in your prayers and thoughts, I couldn't ask for cooler Xanga friends.

9,178

That's about the number of junk I've been tagged in on Xanga and Facebook. Survey this, survey that. TAAAAAG!!! You returds. (Notice it's over nine thousand).

So, I'm going to kill all those survey birds with one stone(rrrrrr). I'll fill out your wonderful little survey thingy, and then I'm done. If it happens again, I'm going to have to shun you. No, really. And, I'll have you dragged around the desert by a schizophrenic miniature camel. And you'd better not tell him to stop, because another little voice would just make the poor camel's life even worse. Uh-huh. See if you tag me anymore, foo. Not it!

Survey!!11!

0. Do you hate surveys

Yes, with a passion.

1. Lol then why are you doin it then

idk lmao.

2. Does it make you mad that there arent question marks at the end of the questions?

lmao yeah lolol. ol.

3. Lol, who is the last person you kissed lol

mi gf lol.

4. Have you ever ridden a miniature horse

Uh, yeah, duh. Like, who hasn't.

5. Have you ever decorated someones car after a wedding

Lol naw.

Well, maybe. idk.

Now I hath completed your survey. Don't ever tag me ever again ever.

The lovely blanket_attack (she's awesome, go subscribe to her) tagged me to share five random habits I have. And so did a few other people.

1. I bite my nails.

2. I think about what I'm going to say several times before I say it.

3. I flip my hair to the side, even though it's not really long enough to do so.

4. I do a Chinese fire drill at every red light.

5. That's five, right?

Okay, one more. Man, surveys are so fun and addicting, I think I might start doing surveys about the texts I have on my phone and my top friends before long. And I totally need to do that one where you shuffle your songs on your iPod and make a survey with songs as your answers, even though I don't have an iPod.

Five random unknown facts about me!!!!!! (wait, I need moar exclamation points) !!!!!!!

1. I'm a guy

2. I'm 17.

3. I have a Xanga.

4. Fact # 3 is a lie.

5. Fact # 4 is also a lie.

6. There were only four facts here.

K, now I'm done. Wow, I love surveys. If I was trapped on an island, all I would want is a piece of paper and a pencil to take survs. And my afro, in case some jamaicans came along and thought I was Nick Jonas, because they're like huge fans and stuff.

Whoa, these little ruler things are so cool.

C_jamaica is hot.

Anyhow, beetunes keeps inconspicuously saying that I need a new profile picture. I like this one, because it makes me smile (and it really is me), but apparently it's outdated or something. I first posted it here. And yes, that is totally my real hair.

Under the wig.

Soooo, since some people voted I make that one my profile picture (when I posted it), I thought we should take another vote, with new pictures. Cause y'all have good taste. I took these a few days ago, and maybe I can add more from a few weeks ago later or something or whatever.

It's up you, dawg.

1. 

No, this picture hasn't been altered. Yes, all the young cliche girls on Myspace will be taking their photos with a camera on a necklace in front of a mirror after they see this. Soon.

2.

I love this one.

3.

Wow, I actually look kinda buff.

4.

Proof that I actually use my teeth when I smile on occasion.

And there you have it. Pick one! Also, yes, maybe I should try different locations, this was just kinda spur-of-the-moment.

Also, I've been working out a little more this month. But this one isn't going to be my profile picture:

"omg thickspo <33333"

This is just the "before" photo, I guess I'll be ready for the "after" photo by the end of the year or something.

One more thing.

Dear TheBigShowAtUD,

Please stop pestering me to update. You're not my mother. At least, I hope you're not. That was devastate me, and it would be so totally wrong in every way possible. i haz reel lifeee. not much tym 4 intarnetz no moar.

Sincerely, Nick

So, whatcha think, 1, 2, 3, or 4? (5 is not a valid answer )

PS: If people complain when a post about a slug or sheep or Xanga crushes makes top blogs, I hope they get real mad when a post including three surveys and a profile picture poll makes number ONE. I iz megatroll.

Somewhere around seven out of ten girls I know have no idea whatsoever how to get a guy to like them, eventually ask them out, become their boyfriend, and do whatever else they were aiming for after that.

These girls kinda sadden me, really. They see all these couples walking hand in hand, making out in the hallway while banging into lockers, and conquering everything together. It depresses these girls, who are single, alone, and generally mad at the world, so they turn emo and go around stabbing people with forks, and eventually take it out on themselves by cutting, but with cheese graters instead of knives or razors. They get upset that they don't have a guy, but they don't try to do anything about it.

Eventually they get determined to be like the other slu - I mean, girls, and to have guys crawling all over them (but not quite literally). They surf the intarwebz, hoping to find a guide of some sort that will make them a dude magnet. So they find one, and it's written by a girl, who obviously knows everything, and then they go out and try out their new skillz. Which, by the way, don't work, since girls suck at giving other girls advice on men.

"Oh no he di'in't!"

Oh, but yes, I did. How you like dem apples?

How To Get The Guy - The Official Guide

*Note* One thing girls should always remember when looking for a guy to date: make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend before you start flirting with him. Unless, of course, you don't care. Anyway, he might cheat on her with you, giving you a bad reputation, making his girlfriend break up with him, and making him blame everything on you, and through all of this you may not have even known he had a girlfriend. So everyone loses.

Except the guinea pig, he's good.

Beware the zombie bug eyed guinea pig apocalypse.

One: Don't avoid him.

I have no idea where girls get the idea that ignoring a guy is good for a relationship. Now, if you're honestly busy on the same weekend that he wants to take you to a movie or dinner (this is assuming he's not your boyfriend¹), then tell him what you're doing that prevents you from going with him. "I just have a lot of stuff to deal with" or "I really am busy" sounds like a con to get around going on a date. Every other post like this you'll read will say "don't be available". That is stupid. Unavailable makes him give up after so long. "Well, she's avoiding me, because she really is busy with a lot of stuff this weekend, just like last weekend and all of Spring break, so forget her, there are other girls in the world." That's what runs through our heads when you pretend we don't exist. Now, if you don't want to go out with him, period, then tell him you aren't interested in dating him. Stringing a guy along with excuses instead of telling him you don't want to be his girlfriend iz jis wong, man. If you do want to date him, ignoring/avoiding him won't do anything but frustrate him and (sometimes) make him do just about anything to get you to go out with him, and from then on, he'll call you more, try to spend time with you more, and generally get on your nerves more, because he's constantly anxious and scared of losing you, which will eventually make you annoyed and break it off with him. Avoiding him worked out nicely, didn't it?

Two: Initiate.

If you like a guy, why hide it? Don't be scared of him. If you like him, flirt with him, hang out with him, and if he likes you back but he's scared to ask you out, maybe you should help him along by hinting "maybe we could go out sometime, see a movie?" This is his cue to say, "yeah, that'd be great! maybe this weekend?" If he doesn't bite (I don't mean literally), just get to know him better and spend some time with him. He may be uncomfortable with closeness or he could be scared of falling for you and then getting his heart broken later on. He might want to let you into his life slowly, so just take it one step at a time.

"Yo, ma. I'll have a large with pepperoni."

As wrong as it sounds, maybe you should call him sometime. He's not in a relationship by himself. If he never calls you, maybe call him and talk for a while, and the next time after that you talk on the phone, you should call then, too (maybe call him twice in one week if you know he likes you, and depending on how often you see him). The next time, don't call him. He'll wonder why you didn't and he'll call you. If he doesn't call, try and drop a subtle hint that it makes you feel better and more important when he calls.

On the other hand, if he's always the one to call you, it's always a pleasant surprise if you call him².

*Note*: Sometimes you might not even talk to each other on the phone at all and text all the time instead. Which is cool. Relationships don't survive without mutual communication. 

Three: Buy him a Furby.

Trust me.

Four: Stroke his ego.

A simple compliment (but not too often) will make him feel better about himself and make him more comfortable when he's around you. If you over-compliment, it looks like you're sucking up. (And by over-compliment, I mean complimenting him too often, not being too nice).

If he gets a small self-esteem/ego boost whenever he's around you, he'll want to be around you more. (Just don't go too far, or he'll have a huge ego that the next girl will have to deal with if you don't get along for some reason).

Five: Have some confidence.

The number one reason girls are unattractive (even though it's #5 in this post) is low confidence/self-esteem. (Low intelligence is also a turn off, but you know, whatever). Too much confidence is intimidating to most guys, as is too much energy, but you can't really change either of those.

A few reasons some girls aren't man-magnets:

# 11: They're super clingy.

# 10: They run into doors all the time.

# 8: there so ditzi lyk omggg lol.

# 7: They have no enthusiasm.

# 6: They don't really have any interests (meaning they sit around doing nothing all the time). 

# 5: They didn't notice there's not a # 9 on this list³. 

# 4: They don't care about their appearance (most guys are at least a little superficial).

# 3: They never stop talking about Twilight, Edward Cullen, or Disney kids, like Zac Efron or the Jonas Brothers.

Wow, how does he always maintain that perfectly expressionless expression?

# 2: They appear to have low intelligence levels (smart girls are HOT!).

# 1: They have no confidence/self-esteem.

There you have it. Confidence is win. If you're under-confident, for whatever reason, you should try new things, meet new people, and hit the gym. Working out makes you feel better and less vulnerable, and doing so at the gym definitely means you'll meet new people! (Also, "girls who don't act like theirself" could have been # 1, because it sucks falling for someone who completely changes once they get comfortable and then you don't like them. Being yourself is important, and it's also why you're you).

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

* ¹If he is your boyfriend and you avoid him, you shouldn't be with him. 

* ²Seriously, do it.

* ³Win.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conclusion:

I'm right.

What's the best advice on getting a guy/girl to like you that you've ever heard?

Every now and then, I sign in to Xanga and just sigh. "It's so boring here. I'm going to Myspace!"

Anyway.

I've decided to share a bunch of random facts with you, and since they're facts, I shouldn't have to share them with you, because you people are smart. But I'm going to, anyway.

All of this is serious bidness.

- If Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee were to fight to the death, Michael Jackson would win.

- Paris Hilton is hot.

- Barbie is too fat.

Wait, never mind.

She's good.

- Emo kids should stop killing themselves and just die already.

- Girls suck at video games. All girls.

- Chinese fire drills are not awesome.

- Twilight is very, very gay.

- Almost as gay as the Jonas Brothers.

- And Zac Efron.

- But not quite as gay as David Archuleta.

- Feminism is awesome.

- Miley Cyrus is the next octo-mom.

- People who complete their sentences are

- It would be very, very funny if Herpes cured Cancer.

- Seal clubbing should be a national sport. Even at the zoo.

- Vegetarians are stupid for not eating meat, this is why the earth is overpopulated with animals.

- People who care about their personal hygiene are dumb. There are other things you could be doing with your time.

- I don't like Obama, because he's been in there two months and hasn't made me rich yet.

- Nobody should wait for marriage.

- Bush was the best president evar.

I think I'll share a few personal things for once, as well. Even though you don't care.

- My sister is marrying some dude in May. He looks like Chuck Norris, and I am not even kidding. He also used to be a cheerleader, but now he's a cagefighter/wrestler. And he's like 3' 2".

- We have thirteen puppies that need homes like really really soon, because they're seven weeks today and they're getting huge.

- I'm kinda sorta considering taking an extended break from Xanga. (*coughnotcomingbackcough*

- Your mother.

Also,

Does anyone else think this doggy bears a vague resemblance to the Joker?