Here it is:

Okay, so actually, I didn't, really. It's actually a golf car, but not mine. And it doesn't have those wicked cool wheels anymore. I have to share it, darn it.

What, you guys thought I forgot how to write or something?  Like, someone sent me a message the other day asking if he could take over my Xanga since all I do is blog in comment boxes on Ish sites now, and he wanted to make it the most subscribed survey site on Xanga. He was going to change the username to "DareToDoMyDifferentSurveys".

Pffft. Yeah, right. I would have said yes if the username would have had "koalas" in there somewhere.

I'm just bored, with the internet in general. I'm in one of those phases where I don't really know why I even blog. What does it do for me? I started writing "good blogs" just to make people laugh, because I love entertaining others. It makes me happy. But now I'm thinking along the lines of, why? I could have had 150,000 subscribers (or more) on Youtube by now instead of 1,500+ on Xanga. Not to say I don't appreciate you all reading, because you've all helped me through a lot, and Xanga has always been my outlet. Everyone says Xanga is dead, and to me, that's like saying that about your grandma after everyone just found out she has Cancer.

"Well, Gramma has Cancer. She's dead."

She's not dead yet. She's experiencing a disease that a lot of people die from. You could keep saying she's dead, and that'll eventually make her and others believe it, so she'll just die because nobody cares. But as long as she's alive, even if she's dying, she's not dead. She might be "as good as dead", but she's not dead. "Dead" indicates no blood pumping through her veins or breath in her lungs. Some people live through Cancer, with the proper treatment and some major life changes. The same goes for Xanga. People are still here and blogging, although not as heartily as they used to. It's not dead. I've reached a point where I don't know if I'll stick with it until it goes down, or if I'll leave before everyone else does and try to drive my traffic to another source. Either way, I'm not sick of Xanga. I might have burned myself out a few times, I might have writer's block, but I'm not sick of the place. Granted, I might get sick of the people who complain endlessly, but I still like it here. I still like you. Yes, you. You're cool.

So last Friday, we had "Youth Group" (the adults actually call it "youth meeting", but all the teens call it youth group since it's a group of youths and we're a group and yeah). Anyhow, we just go play some sports, and have some fun times away from home on a Friday night (I guess that's our parents' way of keeping us from going out with the wrong people and doing the wrong things on Friday nights, like blowing up mailboxes with M80's).

Anyway, at youth group, there was this one girl who showed me some of her gymnastics/cheerleading routine. She did this thing called a "Fish Roll" (which is something like you start off in a sitting position with your legs straight in front of you, except it looked more like a split, and then do a backwards roll with your legs staying in that position. It was pretty awesome) and then tried to talk me into doing it. I was like, "uh, I don't think I'm that flexible, I can just hear something snapping or stretching now while watching you do it." So she tried to help me stretch and get ready to give it a shot, but I still chickened out. But, now I won't make fun of straight guys who decide to be cheerleaders.

Okay, I won't make fun of them as much. I'd rather be a booleader.

Now, this is the part for the people who have short attention spans! Yaaaaay!

Since I kinda have writer's block, what do YOU want me to write about? (Note: first person to say, "oh, whatever you want to" dies).

PS: Is it just me, or are all the questions on Datingish/Mancouch retarded?  "Dear Dr. Datingish: I like somebody. Now what do I do?"

They wonder why they don't get as many comments as they used to, but it's because the posts are so stupid. The comment count is so low, Mancouch replied to my comment the other day just so they would have more than one comment on that post. I mean, what the heck. I want a Hatingish for people who don't like the Ish sites.

So I know most of you guys probably don't actually really care about my wellbeing or my safety and stuff like that, which is cool with me, because you're just here to read my blogs and laugh, right?

Just kidding. I know you all love me.

This morning, at about 5:30, Mom woke me up to tell me my 26-year-old brother, Travis (who is the oldest of us ten kids), had been in an accident a few minutes ago and that they were leaving to go with him to the hospital. He was only about 20 minutes away from home. I knew she wouldn't have roused me at 5:30AM if he'd just messed up his car and walked away unharmed. So she told me all they knew so far was that he hurt his ankle and it was a head-on collision with another car, and then she left (by the way, I haven't heard my mom run through/out of the house in years. She could have outrun me this morning, and I've only been beaten in a footrace once).

My brother means a lot to me.

At the moment, he's in the ER, and we're still not sure if he's going into surgery tonight. All I know is his leg, ankle, and pinky finger are broken, and he's bruised and cut all over. To directly quote Dad, "he shouldn't have lived through a wreck like this", but he did. I haven't seen the car, but I was told it's demolished. Which is worse than totaled, which is what you'd consider the last one he had, which got rear-ended, which he took the insurance money from to buy this one, only this time his insurance payments didn't get paid a week before this happened, since he was short on cash, so he had no car insurance.

Just imagine it with the front end pushed back a ways and that's probably what it looks like. I'm guessing the impact was pretty hard, since Dad could barely yank Travis' size 14 shoe out from under the carpet below the brake pedal. Had he not been wearing a seatbelt and had an airbag, he'd be dead right now.

Here's where you (stop looking around, you know I mean you) come in. I don't know how many of you are Christians, but those of you who are, it'd be awesome if you prayed for him and that his surgery is successful. To the rest of you, whatever you do in a situation like this, if you'd do it now (even if it's just thinking about him), that would be greatly appreciated. It'd mean a lot to him and the rest of the family.

Also, for those of you who'd like to encourage him or tell him you're praying for him/thinking about him personally, you can stop by his Myspace and send him a message. Just tell him his little brother sent you.  You could also friend request him if you'd like to keep in touch.

http://www.myspace.com/turbosupralover

Thanks everyone, it means a lot to me, and Travis too.

I was talking to someone on Facebook the other day and we ended up talking about lying and cheating in relationships, and I told her I think I could forgive my girlfriend for cheating (I don't know why, but I think I would), but I wouldn't forgive her and stay with her if she lied to me.

Which is easier for you to forgive in a relationship?

a. Lying

b. Cheating

c. It depends on why they lied/cheated

d. This post was way too long for me to finish with my ADD.

I have to say this:

Everyone shut up.

Okay, I feel slightly better.

*Note* None of this will make sense to people who don't participate in the Xanga community by blogging, commenting, and being friends with a lot of people. It probably won't make sense to my real-life friends either, but most of them have all but quit reading my posts, anyway.

First off, all of you should stop complaining about featured all being the same and none of it being worth featuring. You're not the Xanga CEO so you can't decide that. I've seen Xanga feature blogs about Nicholas Cage and chess, and while those subjects sound like something stupid to blog about, the posts that I read on them were worth reading. Everyone gets their undies in a twist if they don't like something. Someone wrote a post in which he stated something slightly critical about TheTheologiansCafe, and everyone gets mad. It happens. So?

The little bloggers have two options: keep writing your posts that you hold in such high regard ("my posts are better than anything on top blogs or featured, so I should be there instead!!!!!!!!!!") for the two people stalking your footprints in Africa, or you could choose the second option; comment people. That's the only way anyone gets traffic, unless they're advertised/promoted. Even TheTheologiansCafe had to start somewhere. He didn't start off sending friend requests, he left comments, same as me or anyone else who has a substantial reader base on Xanga. I still leave lots of comments, and up until recently I returned 90% of the comments left on my posts, but I just don't have much extra time now.

I've left about four hundred comments in the past two weeks or so, with about one hundred of those being on new Xangas. That's how you get readers;  by leaving interesting comments. So stop complaining that your "best posts on Xanga" aren't getting featured and try to do something about it. Leave some comments, send some friend requests, and write on an interesting topic that actually has a point to it. Every time I've been featured, the post had a point to it, except "October is emo awareness month...", because that one was just to Rickroll everyone. Prove something, say something bold, and say something worth recommending and featuring. Don't beg the Xanga team members, because I tried that and it doesn't work. So stop griping and get started.

I think I'll write this next paragraph in all Italics, just to make it look cool.

Also, learn how to make a plug, please. People don't click plugz that include "ramblings", "rants/rantings",  "the life of", "this is my life", or anything that could appear to be emo. And if you're aiming for reverse psychology with that plug that reads, "boring, don't click this", guess what? Nobody will click it. Because if you think it's boring, and you write it, care to wonder what everyone else who visits will think? Right-o. In your plug, say something appealing, funny, or offensive, and people will click it. I haven't had a plug in a few months, but I was trying to set one up a couple weeks ago that everyone would have clicked, had Xanga approved it. I made a plug once that got over 800 clicks, and I never clicked it. The first one I made, since I helped with suggestions on plugz before thexangateam even launched them, got over 400 clicks, but mostly because it was one of the first plugz people would see, since that was the day they came out. And it only ran three days. But anyway.

So, yeah. If you're gonna get famous with plugz, be original and creative. If you want to get featured and have over 1,000 subscribers, you have to work for it. It doesn't just fall out of the sky and hit you in the head and give you a concussion and the Xanga gods grant you eternal fame and a pretty blonde model (who's also rich, yee haw) falls in love with you, and something else I forgot. 

One moreeee thingggg: there are no celebs on Xanga, except Fred Durst, as far as I know. This is not actually Paris Hilton, this is not actually Chuck Norris, and so on. If there were celebrities on here, everyone would know about it. The celebrities themselves would advertise it on their Myspace or website, they same way a Xangan advertises their Wordpress, Twitter, Myspace, Facebook, etc. They probably wouldn't even set it up themselves. Do you think Angelina Jolie will just be walking around a far away country, trying to adopt another kid, and suddenly say, "omg! I'm gonna get a Xanga!" No.

And everyone needs to stop tagging people in the quest for more comments. I comment when I can and when I feel like it, the same way with blogging. If I get tagged and the post has nothing to do with me or my Xanga, I don't comment. And yes, my last post was sarcastic, except the few personal notes, except I think I'll stick around Xanga a while.

Someone has to teach the stupid people.

You have 0.00 seconds to decide, and maybe your life depends on it.

Is Cakalusa a boi?

Or a girl?

Vote now! Save the pandas!

With all these young guys I know going on dates, I figured they should at least know how it needs to be done. I'm willing to share my extensive knowledge on the subject, since I know exactly what I'm talking about.

Say you're a guy, just an average joe. Unless, of course, your name isn't Joe, in which case your name must be something else. But say you're average, and you have this problem, which is common, which is another word for average.

Your problem is that you've messed up every single date you've ever been on. Or even worse, you've never been on a date but you just know you're going to screw up your first one. It's like one of those freaky premonitions, where you dream you're going to run over your dog and then you wake up the next morning to rush to your mom's house to tell her about the dream and you back your car right over your dog on the way out of the driveway.

Wow, I wonder where that came from. Huh.

How To Make The Perfect Date - The Official Guide

1. The First Meeting.

There are quite a few places to meet girls. I mean, they're all over the place: on the street, at church, on da internets, at work, in restaurants, in bikinis, at family reunions...

When you meet the girl, you have to remember one thing, and one thing only:  first impressions are important.  The second, third, fourth or fifth impressions have little impact compared to the first.  Unless, of course, you're a perfect gentleman on your first date and every one after that you forget to wear pants, in which case you'd better be wearing a nice shirt. 

With your first impression, you have to stop thinking about smooth movie lines. Nothing works how it does in the movies. That's why we like movies, because they're a reflection of real life, only perfect. So make up your own smooth phrases.

"I've seen many girls wear that shirt, but I've never seen it worn so well!"

If you have some good female friends, it might be a good idea to ask one of them to help you work on being charming and endearing, and stuff.

Also, if you ever start talking to a girl online, please be careful. You never know for sure who you're talking to.

"Yes, I am a 5'7" blonde cheerleader with blue eyes. How'd you guess?"

2. Asking Her Out.

Since this is a post about dating, it only makes sense that it would include how to ask someone out on a date.

If you really like a girl and she obviously likes you back, don't let your fear of rejection get to the point where she asks you for a date. That only makes you feel guilty/awkward later, even though you may be jumping up and down when she asks you, because she must totally be into you if she asks you (personal experience). Have the guts to ask her. The worst thing she can do is say no (and maybe mace you), and it doesn't even hurt after you get rejected a few times(except the mace might still hurt), so you can take it all in stride and ask another girl.

When you ask her out, you gotta be focused, man. You can't be staring off into the vast sky at the twinkling stars and suddenly slur, "doyouwannagooutwifme?"  This is bad. I'm home schooled, and even I know how to ask a girl out. And don't say, "hey baby, wanna go out sometime? Good."  If you say that, you deserve a swift kick between your legs. Be creative. Ask her nicely. Don't be persistent if she says "no" and runs away.

Also, if she pulls a gun or kicks you in the crotch, that's a definite "no." Something along the lines of  "you know, we should hang out sometime, maybe catch a movie, or get somethin' to eat? Would you like that?"  Chances are she's more likely to say yes than she would be if you said it vague and dreamily. Girls don't want sissy boys. Remember to set a date. Don't just call and say "hey can you be ready in thirty minutes when I get there?" Girls can't even start getting ready in thirty minutes. When you ask her out in the first place, she might say "sure, what time?" or "that'd be great, would Saturday work for you?" If she doesn't, you can always say "maybe sometime over the weekend?" And then go from there. DON'T forget the date. That's a bad thing.

3. The Drive.

If you're taking a girl on a date, it would logically make sense to assume that you own a car. However, maybe her parents don't trust you alone with her in a car, so they may offer to meet you somewhere and drive you to the date-place thingy. Or maybe you'll take a taxi, although they don't exist anymore. But if they let you drive her to the destination, your car must be clean. If it's one of those old Buick's that has all four fenders kicked in, maybe you should just ride your bicycle, with her riding in the basket.

When you get to her house, if she lives alone, it's wise to knock first, in case she's changing clothes. If she says "come on in, cousin", then you should proceed, and wait for her until she's ready.

If she lives with her parents, you should still knock. When her dad answers the door(why does he always answer, anyway?), you should say "hi, sir! I see you're cleaning your guns. I'd love to stay and help, but we don't wanna be late." Then, get his daughter and get out of the house as fast as you can. Don't forget to tell her how breathtaking she looks. She didn't spend all that time getting ready for nothing.

Almost a personal experience. Don't ask.

The carpet in your car should probably be vacuumed, and it might be a wise idea to make sure the car doesn't smell like smoke. If the car lacks carpet, put some bubble wrap down before the date and use it as temporary carpet. She'll love riding in your car, just to pop the carpet.

During the drive, say something. This isn't a funeral drive to the graveyard, you're taking a girl on a date.

Unless, of course, your destination for this date is the graveyard, which would be a little weird.

On the drive, don't pull out your cell phone to call or text someone, unless it's mandatory or it has something to do with your date. If you can't think of anything to say to her, ask if she'd like to see a magic trick (she'll say yes).  (Insert magic trick here).  If it works, she'll be mystified and wonder how you did it. Don't tell her immediately, because that ruins the fun of it. Instead, if later on down the road she becomes your girlfriend, maybe you should find time to show her then. If the trick doesn't work, say some thing cute, like "Wow, that's the first time that ever happened again." (Not my line). And continue the drive.

It's also a good idea to turn on some music, if you have good taste. I highly recommend listening to "Gives You Hell" (All American Rejects) or "Womanizer" (Britney Spears). Those are awesome date songs. 

Helpful hint: Girls, for some reason, love talking about girly things. If you can talk with her about such things without coming off as gay, go for it. At least she's talkin'!

4. The Arrival And The Main Shabang.

You may have to get out of the car fast to open the door for her, ya know, to be a gentleman. Sometimes they don't care if you open the door or not, and that's cool. (But when you enter the restaurant/theater/other, be sure to open the door and let her walk in first.

Let's assume you took her to a fine diner, like McDonald's Olive Garden or Applebee's..

Don't EVER take a girl on a date to McDonald's, even McLovin wouldn't do that.

While you're eating, think of an interesting topic of conversation, like how weird a date without conversation would be. A good conversation starter would be something along the lines of, "hey, did I tell you what I did last week? I went to to WalMart and stole a paper shredder, nobody even noticed. Yeah. And when I got to my car, I opened the box, and I was like, 'wtf? A paper shredder? Really?'"  This will draw a response from her, something like, "wow, you're crazy. I'm going home."

Which you don't want, obviously. Something that'll make her eyes big and round, like silver dollars, makes a good topic.

Example: "I love Koalas. In fact, I have a website dedicated to them. 'Iwouldsellmymomforakoala.com' That's how much I love Koalas. I plan on owning them all some day." 

When you're talking, above all else, try and at least sound intelligent, but be yourself. They want deep conversation. And the last thing a girl wants is to fall in love with someone, only to find out he's not who she thinks he is. Girls like intelligent guys because intelligence is hot.  Have you ever seen a single nerd?

Okay, okay, but have you ever seen a nerd that wasn't surrounded by girls? I mean a REAL nerd.

It's a smart move to pay for the evening's fun, but if she insists on paying half, let her. You don't want to fight over something like that.

5. Taking Her Home.

Unfortunately, when you take a girl on a date, she does need to go home eventually. But don't worry, because if she likes you, then maybe you can go on another date! Awesome, right?!

On the way home, the conversation should continue. Girls can talk until they're blue in the face, but only if you talk about something they like to talk about. If you talk about cars or video games, she may not be so interested.

When you get to her house/apartment/trailer, walk her to the door, and gaze into her sparkling eyes and sigh. Then say, "Yo, I guess this is the part where I say, 'dawg, I had a rad time, man. Maybe we can do that again some day.' And then I kiss you. Or something. Just like in the movies." Also, her hair always catches on her earrings when you sweep it back to kiss her, which never happens in the movies.

Actually, it doesn't work that way. First, you say, "sooo, I had a lot of fun. Did you?" If she says no, start fake crying immediately. If she says yes, then you should stare at her for a second, as if you're debating if these really are the droids you're looking for. Then, lean in and kiss her, with your eyes closed. Make sure you remembered to chew some fresh-tasting/smelling gum on the way to her house after dinner, because there is nothing worse than kissing someone who has bad breath. If she invites you inside, do so if you like. If she doesn't, don't ask.

If she had a good time, her face should look like this:

Well, hopefully not, but you know what I mean.